The Curse that stole the Playoffs
Updated: Jan 9, 2018
For all Bills fans in Buffalo, liked football a lot, but a curse cursed us all with a playoff drought. For 17 years now the curse has remained, despite six different coaches and constant QB change. Now please don’t ask why; no one quite knows the reason. It could have been Wade, thinking Johnson was better, or a byproduct of Belichick’s deal with the Devil. No matter the cause, son of Bum or Sith Emperor, Bills fans in Buffalo sat wishing to play past December.
The Curse staring down on New Year’s Eve with a frown, watching all these Bills fans gathering around. “And they’re ordering their wings and drinking their beer,” it snarled with a sneer. 4:25 is kickoff; it’s practically here! The curse wasn’t worried, it had nothing to Fear. Even with a win the Bills wouldn’t make it. They needed a miracle in order to break it. The help that we needed seemed too great to be had. The Chargers and Titans wouldn’t lose, and the Bengals were bad.
So the curse sat back in his sleeveless grey hooded sweater, confident the Bills would be adding another year to its ledger… of playoff-less football no special end to December. Kickoff occurred and the Dolphins received but went three-and-out very quickly. The Bills got the ball and wasted no time, passing for a touchdown to the Golden one’s grandson O’Leary. Haus –money kicked the extra point and the Bills were up seven.
Bills fans began praying to their favorite Deity in heaven! Haus-Money added three more before the first half clock struck zero. The Bills had the lead and the Ravens looked dead! Down to the Bengals 17 to 10, it appeared maybe, just maybe, this curse would finally end.
The more the curse watched, the more it was angered! I must stop the Bills or Bengals from winning but how? Then the Curse had an idea, an awful idea. The Curse had a wonderfully awful idea! I’ll dangle hope like a carrot then slowly pull it away. Bills fans won’t be victorious this day. Just in time for the 2nd half kickoff for the Bills to receive and Haus-money ended the drive with a Field goal most accurately. The Bills followed it up with what will go down in Bills lore. Their most tenured, tortured Bill; Kyle Williams ran the ball for a one-yard score. The moment was joyous, Bills fans screamed with delight! The Shout song was playing, the Bengals still leading, and all was just right.
The curse knew Bills fans were at the peak of their cheering, and he put into motion his plan of playoff stealing. “The Bills shut out,” it grinned, “will be the first thing to go. And I’ll follow it up with a TD from Flacco!”
As the 4th Quarter came, the feelings were changing; Bills fans weren’t excited but rather worried and reeling. The Dolphins were driving; the Bills looked dismayed. The NFL even took away another Bills touchdown away! The Dolphins scored, which led to a fight. Two of their starters were even ejected for the night. But it didn’t seem to matter as the Dolphins continued to climb and claim the momentum at just the wrong time. Meanwhile in Baltimore, the Ravens were on their way back. Bills fans couldn’t believe their eyes, as Collins on 4th down, broke a run for a TD. Then Flacco hit Wallace to take the lead! “Poo poo to Bills Mafia,” the Curse said with a Grin. “And here they had hope they’d actually win!” He looked at the games, saw the Ravens up by three, and smiled when the Dolphins scored another TD! The curse saw their last game, remembered a play. I know what I’ll do, the curse said to himself. I’ll have them perform one of those onside kick tricks! So they brought out their punter and kicker and then, performed two fake kicks to mess with the Bills heads, on the third try they kicked it, of course, the Bills botched it. The Dolphins recovered, and Bills Mafia lost it! The game was all set up for Buffalo to win, how could this be happening yet again? The Dolphins began driving for their game winning score, a scene Bills fans have seen too much before. Their backup QB would not be sacked, passing the ball and continuing the attack! Finally, Jordan Poyer intercepted the ball and a huge sigh of relief was released by all!
“No matter,” said the Curse, “the Bengals won't win, they have Andy Dalton, Buffalo better prepare for some sulking!" "It’s 4th and 12 from the Ravens 49." "There’s no way they’ll win I’ve got them this time!” His Satelite TV went out, at just the wrong time. "Oh come on Satellite TV, always at the worse time!" Then the curse heard a noise and put his hand to one ear, What is that sound rising over the snow? It seems to be coming from Buffalo? It started off silently and started to grow. While his TV was dark something had happened. Andy Dalton, that beautiful red-headed quarterback, glowing like an angel, had loaded his arm, cocked it back and fired a deep pass to his 3rd string receiver! Who then broke 15 tackles and ran right past the zebras! They shot up their hands signaling touchdown indeed! The curse could not believe it! The Bills are the 6th seed! Bills fans began crying, laughing and cheering! Hugging their neighbors, their children, even strangers! The Curse stood their puzzling, “how could it be so? It came without Shady. It came without Dareus, and it came without Sammy and with extremely poor passing!" The curse puzzled some more until his puzzler was sore. Then he thought something he never thought of before. Maybe, just maybe, he thought to himself. You should trust Coach McDermott and the process!
Happy New Year Buffalo! And its over, it's FINALLY over!